Miscarriage (before 20 weeks gestation) and still birth (after 20 weeks) are major and very real losses. If you have suffered a pregnancy loss, no matter how early, you may be in shock right now. This information sheet is intended to help you negotiate the first days and weeks after your loss, when you will probably be facing hard decisions and phone calls to make. Following are questions you may want to consider and phone numbers you may need. Immediately... If you miscarry at home, call your doctor. Consider placing your baby and placenta in a clean container, so that genetic testing or an autopsy can be done to identify or rule out possible causes of the miscarriage. If you miscarry at the hospital, talk with your doctor about doing genetic testing or an autopsy. In the first hours... Difficult as it will be, many parents find comfort in: Seeing and/or touching the baby (most hospitals will accommodate) Having photos taken of the baby (most hospitals will accommodate) Having a religious ceremony performed, such as baptism Naming the baby and getting a birth/death certificate Having the hospital make hand/foot/ear prints of the baby Donating the body to science Keeping mementos from the hospital, such as ID tags Donating your breast milk through the Human Milk Banking Association: (203) 232-8809 Talk about these options with your doctor or nurse. These will be difficult decisions and actions to take now, but later, when you are stronger, they may help you connect with and memorialize your baby, whom you knew all too briefly. Ask your doctor or nurse what to expect regarding your physical recovery, including bleeding, cramping, and lactation. Ask how you can minimize your discomfort in the coming week. You may also want to talk to a hospital chaplain or social worker about your loss. In the first week... Decide how you would like to treat your baby's remains. Burial and cremation are common choices, and many couples hold a private or public memorial service.  Your hospital should be able to provide you with a list of Funeral Homes trained to help families in your situation. Alternatively, your hospital can take care of these arrangements. Arrange a follow up meeting with your obstetrician to discuss pathology results, further testing you may wish to have done, and any questions or problems you have. Contact a local support group: Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND) has biweekly meetings for people whose children have died before, at, or soon after birth. Each chapter has a lending library, peer counseling, home visits, and a newsletter. HAND of the Peninsula/ HAND of Santa Cruz P.O. Box 3693 Redwood City, CA 94064 (650) 367-6993 www.HANDsupport.org HAND of Santa Clara Consider sending out a birth/death announcement to friends and family. Announcements, books, ornaments, and other mementos are available from: Perinatal Loss 2116 NE 18th Ave. Portland, OR 97212 (503) 284-7426 grieving@teleport.com www.teleport.com/~grieving/ Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center 1421 East Wayzata Blvd. Wayzata, MN 55391 (612) 473-9372 www.pilc.org Centering Corporation P.O. Box 3367 Omaha, NE 68103 (402) 553-1200  Over the coming weeks and months... Consider other ways of honoring your baby and making his/her life more real.  Visit my Memorial Page for more ideas If you haven't named the baby already, give him/her a name (unisex if you don't know the sex) Wear a pendant or other piece of jewelry Have a favorite object created into a custom urn: (800) 992-7292, www.creativecremains.com Create or purchase an artwork Make a donation to a favorite charity or a Lending Library for Pregnancy Loss Plant a tree -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Other Local Resources Stanford Hospital Grief and Loss Answer Line: (650) 497-8587 Compassionate Friends (support group for families who have lost older children): (408) 554-9282 Touchstone (support for families with children facing life-threatening illness): Santa Clara (408) 727-5775, www.php.com/touchstone.htm SAND (Support After Neonatal Death): Berkeley (510) 540-1571 KARA (grief counseling on a sliding fee scale): Palo Alto (650) 321-5272, www.kara-grief.org Helpful Books and Booklets Unsung Lullabies: information on grieving with a good bibliography. Free from HAND Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream by Sherokee Ilse: short book with resource list. Free from HAND Miscarriage: A Man's Book by Rick Wheat: a booklet for dads by a dad. Free from HAND of the Peninsula Unsupported Losses by Sherokee Ilse: booklet on ectopic and molar pregnancy. Free from HAND of the Peninsula Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah Davis: available from Fulcrum Publishing, Golden, CO Unspeakable Losses by Kim Kluger-Bell: available from Norton Publishing, New York, NY Visit my Lending Library Page for a list of more available books Online Resources www.Haloes.homestead.com- Support and Grief Information www.penparents.org: a support group of parents who have suffered a miscarriage or the death of a child www.nationalshareoffice.com: SHARE is a resource center for parents who have lost a baby before, at, or shortly after death. Its website has articles, information, and a chat room www.hygeia.org: articles, resource and referral information, personal stories, and a site user database www.parentsplace.com/pregnancy/loss/: articles on and personal stories of pregnancy loss www.misschildren.org: Mothers In Sympathy and Support www.mend.org: Mother's Enduring Neonatal Death www.emptyarms.org: Empty Arms Web Ring Check out my Links page for more web sites Thank you Christina Conklin in CA for creating this page in memory of your little angel. Copyright ©2000 HAND of the Peninsula

Often when a couple experiences the loss of a baby, their names still end up on promotional mailing lists for formula and diaper coupons, baby catalogues, and other baby related mail.  These may be painful for parents to receive after experiencing the loss of a child.  To request that your name be removed from these mailing lists, write to the following address and say, "Please delete my name and address from any and all mailing lists." Direct Marketing Association Mail Preference Service P.O. Box 9008 Farmingdale, New York 11735-9008 To get your name off some catalogue and magazine lists, you may have to call the catalogue companies directly on the 1-800 numbers listed in each publication.  If making these calls is too painful, ask a family member, or friend to do it for you.  Many times your family and friends would be happy to do something, they usually feel very helpless.

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