Paulastory

January 29, 2002

My pregnancies were IVF.

1st) Conceived twins but lost one at 7 weeks. Went on to have a little boy, after spending 7 wks in hospital due to placenta praevia, at 37 wks in Oct 97. We had waited 7 years for him and as soon as we saw him, all the pain and suffering before vanished.

2nd) Conceived identical twins. Bled at 7 weeks and again at 13 weeks but all was okay. Developed severe twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome and had to have an emergency section at 26 wks and 6 days on 28 December 2001. At 10.55am Cameron was stillborn weighing 2 lb 13oz and Louis was born 2 minutes later wieghing 1lb 13oz, he was rushed to neonatal unit. The first wk went well, but we had to make the decision to turn off his life support machine at 11 days old due to an infection that his little body could not fight..he suffered many complications including renal failure. I do find comfort in them being together, I am an identical twin too and know the bond that these twins share, but I would have found more comfort with them being here with me! Their services were dreadful times. We lived in Northern Ireland, my family lived in England and due to severe weather condition so had to depend solely on my husband who was a complete rock to me, but at the same time he shed as many tears as I did. It really brought us closer together that he was so open with his feelings but kept stable enough to support me. The following months were a blur and I suffered in many ways. My little boy was great. He was protected from all the pain/hurt that we were feeling and we are proud of that. He is now 4 yrs and can talk openly about his brothers and is not afraid to do so. We remember them with love and warmth not the pain that we felt at the time. My family had 2 starts named after them and it's lovely when he tells me he can see Cameron and Louis in the night sky. But sometimes we feel the tugs on our heart strings - he told us just the other week that he wished his brothers were down here to play with him. Our lives have returned to 'normal' on the outside and people still say how brave I am for taking things so well. I don't - I just don't feel the need to show my feelings to friends, what I feel is in my heart and will never go away. Our lives changed as a result of losing our babies - and I will never be over it. I'm sure you can understand that.

3rd attempt failed.

4th attempt resulted in an ectopic pregnancy.

5th (in January of this year) resulted in a bio-chemical pregnancy. That is a positive that resulted than turned negative.

We are currently undergoing IVF research that will hopefully be an advanced stage of IVF. We are pretty excited about this. After all without volunteers we would not have our little boy now. There will not be any pregnancy from this, it's a kind of egg donation.

We don't know if we want to go through IVF again to be honest. I'm 33yrs now and sometimes wonder if another baby is wise now that Brett is growing up...but then again, my husband says that this is just me putting up a defensive wall, just incase we never have any!

We are now getting on with our lives and our little boy, Brett, keeps us busy. We are so very lucky to have him.

Last month we found out that our babies brains had been kept for some time after their autopsies and at the moment we are trying to come to terms with this! I did not sleep for 3 days after receiving this letter I was so distressed. I have been invited to a public enquiry on Thursday so that could be interesting.

I really must go now and attend my little boy who is badgering me for sweets!

Thank you for your website and I will pass it on. It is one of the best ones I have seen

Sorry to hear about your loss but Good luck for your future and congratulations on the birth of your little boy who I am sure is keeping you busy.

If you would like to write back I would be very pleased to hear from you, although I'm sure you are busy contacting all your visitor.

Take Care

Paula



	Paula's Story January 29, 2002 My pregnancies were IVF. 1st) Conceived twins but lost one at 7 weeks. Went on to have a little boy, after spending 7 wks in hospital due to placenta praevia, at 37 wks in Oct 97. We had waited 7 years for him and as soon as we saw him, all the pain and suffering before vanished. 2nd) Conceived identical twins. Bled at 7 weeks and again at 13 weeks but all was okay. Developed severe twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome and had to have an emergency section at 26 wks and 6 days on 28 December 2001. At 10.55am Cameron was stillborn weighing 2 lb 13oz and Louis was born 2 minutes later wieghing 1lb 13oz, he was rushed to neonatal unit. The first wk went well, but we had to make the decision to turn off his life support machine at 11 days old due to an infection that his little body could not fight..he suffered many complications including renal failure. I do find comfort in them being together, I am an identical twin too and know the bond that these twins share, but I would have found more comfort with them being here with me! Their services were dreadful times. We lived in Northern Ireland, my family lived in England and due to severe weather condition so had to depend solely on my husband who was a complete rock to me, but at the same time he shed as many tears as I did. It really brought us closer together that he was so open with his feelings but kept stable enough to support me. The following months were a blur and I suffered in many ways. My little boy was great. He was protected from all the pain/hurt that we were feeling and we are proud of that. He is now 4 yrs and can talk openly about his brothers and is not afraid to do so. We remember them with love and warmth not the pain that we felt at the time. My family had 2 starts named after them and it's lovely when he tells me he can see Cameron and Louis in the night sky. But sometimes we feel the tugs on our heart strings - he told us just the other week that he wished his brothers were down here to play with him. Our lives have returned to 'normal' on the outside and people still say how brave I am for taking things so well. I don't - I just don't feel the need to show my feelings to friends, what I feel is in my heart and will never go away. Our lives changed as a result of losing our babies - and I will never be over it. I'm sure you can understand that. 3rd attempt failed. 4th attempt resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. 5th (in January of this year) resulted in a bio-chemical pregnancy. That is a positive that resulted than turned negative. We are currently undergoing IVF research that will hopefully be an advanced stage of IVF. We are pretty excited about this. After all without volunteers we would not have our little boy now. There will not be any pregnancy from this, it's a kind of egg donation. We don't know if we want to go through IVF again to be honest. I'm 33yrs now and sometimes wonder if another baby is wise now that Brett is growing up...but then again, my husband says that this is just me putting up a defensive wall, just incase we never have any! We are now getting on with our lives and our little boy, Brett, keeps us busy. We are so very lucky to have him. Last month we found out that our babies brains had been kept for some time after their autopsies and at the moment we are trying to come to terms with this! I did not sleep for 3 days after receiving this letter I was so distressed. I have been invited to a public enquiry on Thursday so that could be interesting. I really must go now and attend my little boy who is badgering me for sweets! Thank you for your website and I will pass it on. It is one of the best ones I have seen Sorry to hear about your loss but Good luck for your future and congratulations on the birth of your little boy who I am sure is keeping you busy. If you would like to write back I would be very pleased to hear from you, although I'm sure you are busy contacting all your visitor. Take Care Paula